hambuh opo

Hai
so today i learned a lot of things.

i learned on how some people are not realize that they were so fucking important for their people around them.

i learned that it is right that you will take what you give. but sometimes live is not just run that way. sometimes life brings us to the other steps we never expected before, we never thought before.

i learned that you, yourself, the only people who know what makes your heart disappointed, and also yourself, the only people who can keep your heart away from the disappointment. am i right? yes im right i guess. sometimes when you got disappointment from people around you or from the things around you, in your deepest heart, you actually know it from the start, that it will end up with the disappointment. but you keep tryin tryin and tryin padahal deep inside you know that it wouldnt work lol. yah, that s life.

Living the Life

So today I've been in the very very bad mood. I don't know why but it feels like everything around me is annoying.

Trying to look the mood booster.
Eat. Sleep. Shop. Whatever u name it.
Didn't help at all. I'm still in the worst mood.

But just few moment ago I logged into my Instagram and found a post from an account I followed. It was a post about an old man named mbah Sarani. He is all alone in his small tiny and dirty house. He has nobody. He sells cobek if I was not mistaken, for living his life.

But poor him. He said that it s very rarely to find people who wants to buy his stuffs because mostly people think that he s a insane one. He only eat 2 bungkus of noodles everyday because those all he can got from his money. He even forget the taste of rice because it s been long time he s not eating rice.

My tears stream down. I don't know but I always being so touchy sama hal hal seperti ini. It s like my deepest heart is screaming why they got so much sacrifices in live. What always happen is that I wanna run to them, hug them, and give all that I have to support their life. To make their life better.

I keep scrolling down to the Instagram And the more I scrolled the more tears that I can't hold.

There are so many  people with their problems in live. But they choose to smile.

I forget all the bad mood. I forget all the hatred. All that I know right now is that there are still a lot of people who can doing de bad mood thing everyday because their unfair live or because they had to sacrifices more than me. But they choose to against the bad things. They fight for this live even they are no longer young.

While me, the young lady who s sitting here and grumbling on the thing that I hate. Oh I hate being this and I hate to say this: that I am nothing compared to them.

God, thank u for open my eyes.
I'm feeling so much better now.
💕

Entah~

sudah puas tenggelam dalam diri?

dalam riuh kota yang tak pernah henti
dalam tiap detik yang terhabis di pikuk sana

sudah puas hilang dari segala rasa?
segala waktu yang menunggu
segala rasa yang tak kunjung terbalas
segala harap yang terkubur seiring menghilang bersama waktu

sudah puas menumpulkan duri sang mawar?
sampai ia tak merasa
sampai ia lupa merekah
sampai kelopak bercecer

Tentang Tanya

Aku pernah bertanya pada dingin malam
ke mana kah tuan sang rindu

aku pernah bertanya pada derai hujan
untuk apa hati merasa

aku pernah bertanya pada sang bulan
setinggi apa rasa sakit kan terasa

aku pernah bertanya pada embun pagi
buat apa hadir tapi pergi

aku pernah bertanya pada jangkrik yang mengerik
kenapa ku tak terpuaskan rasa

bukan.
bukan aku ingin menghujani mereka dengan pertanyaan pertanyaan konyolku

sungguh ku hanya ingin tau
karena percuma bertanya pada insan,

sibuk mereka, dengan hati yang kacau.

Silly Billy Unspoken Mind

where is the art of hearing
each other

where is the word of understand, trying to understand

so much words left unspoken
not because i dont wanna tell

but because i know nobody s gonna hear that

even if i try
even if i try
even if im in tears

even once the words are spoken
nobody s gonna know it
not only hearing but knowing, deeply.

how can i tell if there is no ears to tell
how can we free ourself from the anger if we dont talk

if only by one side
if only forget the other side
if only blinded by the ego
if only judge by the blind mind
if only me the one who cant talk
if only me the one who prefer to buried deep the words

to keep the craps away
to keep our mind sane
to keep each other.

and, to keep us.

Bermusuh Malam

Malam ini kutakut gelap

Biasanya ia indah
Biasanya ia membagi rindu
Biasanya ia menjadi satu satunya peraduan,
saat aku dan segenap kerlip yang mencari tenang ingin berlabuh

Tapi malam ini terlalu menyeramkan!
ia bukan lagi gelap. ia kelam.
ia tak lagi indah, ia meresahkan.
ia bukan lagi satu satunya
karena hangat senja menyapa dan menangkap rindu-rindu yag ng bertebaran di langit luas

Sejenak ia labuhkan rindunya pada senja
berharap diantarkannya rindu kepada ia yang tepat.

Ini belum berujung, sampai senja menurun dan berganti gelap. ini belum.

Sajak Untuk Bulan

aku berkata pada bulan
bahwa ia sangat indah malam ini

dan ia menemaniku menulis
semua yang tak  terucap
sampai sinarnya berpendar

ia tetap di sana
menatapku dari kejauhan

seakan berkata
tetaplah menulis apapun yang terjadi!

ku  terus  menulis
dan menulis
tak peduli sinarnya yang menjauh mengecil dan lalu menghilang

ku terus menulis
kini ku ditemani sang surya
hangatnya membuatku terbuai
ku terus saja menulis

ah, aku sudah lupa cara berucap
buat apa?
jika rembulan dan surya saja sudah cukup buatku

Hujan dan Rindu Malam Hari

Aku cinta wangi hujan dini hari

Aku cinta rintiknya yang seakan memenuhi bejana kosong hati

Aku suka mendengarnya jatuh perlahan ke bumi

Mendendangkan lagu rindu di tengah malam dingin

Entah sudah berapa juta rintik yang turun hari ini

dan berjuta rindu yang coba ia sampaikan

lewat rintik cantik tiap detik

rasanya walau semesta berintik, tak kan mampu sampaikan rindunya

lewat malam dingin dan rintik hujan

ia sendiri. meratap rindu
mencari makna. menatap gumpalan awan kusut di atas sana

yang takkan pernah terurai

walau rintiknya penuhi bejana.

Tak Terengkuh Senjaku

semburat jingga menepis rasa
ia duduk dan termangu menatap
sejenak mengagum
sejenak mencuri hatinya

ia masih saja di sana
dengan senja yang berjuta makna

senjanya yang tak dapat ia rengkuh
senjanya yang elok tak tersentuh
senjanya yang seakan tiada berjengkal
namun ternyata, tak berujung jauhnya

ia menatap lama senja yang elok itu
entah sudah beratus kali
ia meminta senja bawa ia bersama
ia  ingin rasakan dekap hangat senja
ia tak ingin hanya termangu
menatap indahnya

andai ia dapat menemukan ujung sang senja
sudah tentu akan ia rengkuhlah penuh cinta

andai..

Dear Mine

dear the moon on my earth
would u always be like this?
sweep away the darkness with ur charming moonlight

dear the french on my toast
promise that you will always complete me even in my deepest rock bottom

dear the apple in my pie
will you be there? to sweetener our life days by days

dear my love
promise me that u will be whatever it is, in my life
even in the darkness
even in the hard time

dear my angel in life
i know sometimes we got broken our wings
chill, u can always borrow mine. or even take it forever with u

dear the star in my night sky
it is only you, who can shine brighter than thousands the citylight

dear the sugar in my black coffee
with u, we will make it lighter than the white
splash thousand colors of love

dear the green in my tea
please dont u ever change
does it taste right, the greenta

dear my man
there is no words can describe, how lucky i am,

to be yours

t

It Ends

Merona pipinya
Bagai rekah asmara Romeo dan Juliet

Menggetar jiwanya
Menatap senja yang tak dinikmati seorang lagi

Sorai bahagia bergemuruh
Tiap kali ditiupkannya angin senja,
Mesra, dan indah.

Angannya melayang
Mencari rindu yang sempat melayang tak bertuan

Di suatu sore pada savana indah
Ia tangkap rindunya
Ia kirimkan pada sang perindu
Agar semakin meruah
Tumpah
Melahirkan cinta.

Lagi dan Lagi

Sudah kesekian kalinya ia berwacana
Sampai pada akhirnya menyata
Ia begitu senang! Dan bangga atas dirinya
Yang ternyata mampu melipur lara panjangnya selama ini

Hingga pada suatu hari, entah mengapa dunia nya berputar
Ia memimpikan semuanya
Ia merindukan sang Fajar
Ia juga tetiba mengingat si Tambatan

Hatinya seketika sesak. Dipenuhi perasaan yang ia sendiri tak tau penyebabnya

Jadilah ia si peratap ulung lagi
Mencoba menyelami dirinya yang terus berputar merasuk ke dalam bejana indah bernama mimpi

Entah, ia tak tahu kapan akan bangun
Untuk sekedar menyata
dan tersadar.

How to be Something You Miss

Rose cheeks will always be
Heart beats everywhere
Tongue tied whenever around

Is that real?
She doesn't know
Until she found his eyes
And ask..

How to be something you miss?