Five Beautiful Weeks

Hai! Long time no see. Long time no write. Been so busy dealing with my current life. It s just like i hit that writer block kinda thingy. Lost all words. Cant spite them out even they danced and popped wildly in my mind. 

But these 1.5 months are different. Well, Im not gonna say it but we all know weve got to deal with this pandemic. 

Live changes in a minute. 

Let s recall the memories. 

It s in the middle of March when we still got chance to do our annual trip. Got 2 free days after our busy semester was such a blessing for us. 

But then 4 days later, after we back from the trip, the local government decided to ask us for a self isolation due the pandemic. Well, the school were off. Till now. Learning from home is the solution. 

And suddenly our live changed

Everything changed

I remember how I lost myself in the very first 2 weeks. 

It was less than a month from my big day.  

I prayed a lot in the first week. Prayed for all of us. For the earth. For all the patients. I prayed for those little thingy so they can go away from this earth. 

I prayed a lot and I did socmed detox. Not even once open or read the news. Not even said or write the name of those little destroyer. But who am i? The more i tried the more i failed. 

For the very first time in my life i outta breath. Everytime i open the timeline and glimpsed the news, i outta breath. Everytime i read the name of those little thing, i outta breath. Called me overreacted but that s actually happened to me. It was such a terrible week for me. While i kept praying for the best. 

It was the third week and none is better. Even worse. No longer did the socmed detox kinda thingy. But still outta breath whenever I heard something related to “it”. It was hard. People might say i looked okay but i was not. I am not, till today. It was the third week when i finally realized nothing s better and nothing we could do except delayed it. 

All were ready. All were set up. 

But all were delayed. All were cancelled. Just because that little thing. 

Fourth week and i didnt know what im felling inside anymore. Am I happy for its being delayed? Am I sad for its being delayed? I dont know what Im feeling inside. 

I did everything i cud. Gardening? Checked. Cooking? Checked. Gaming? Checked. Petting the cats? Checked. Pampering my self? Checked. Trying to sell stuffs? Checked. Read my unfinished books? Watching movies? Checked. Eating alot? Of course checked.  I did almost all what people called it as me time activities. Whatever it is to make me feeling better. I also meditated. Just to make me feeling better. Thru these all. 

I know it s just a phase. I tried to let the feeling. Feel the feeling. 

This is our fifth week. After all the struggles. After all the mixed feeling, I can say that my feeling now is getting better. Not bitter anymore. Well, still a lil. 

Still distancing with the news, besides distancing with ppl too lol. Still feeling sad, a bit. But then I realized that God however is the best planner.  I tried to accept this slowly but sure. I reminisce all my bad my flaws. Nothings better than God’s plan. 

Everything happens for a reason. 

Still on my way to deal with the reasons. But in a better feeling. Now I am praying for earth to get better without scared. Because all I know is doing the best I can and living my life its way. (tita)