Someone said that all you hv to do when you r broken heart is just let the feeling through ur heart. Feel it. Feel the broken. Feel the pain. Feel the phase and you will be okay.
You might say, oh no! Thats only a crap. No one will be better with only feel the broken heart itself. U must be joking.
All i wanna say is yeah, it is right. But it was me, before i realize there is nothing i can do but feel it. What can u expect when ur enemy and you only have 0 kilometer apart? Nothing.
So then i start to feel it. Feel the broken heart. It sounds silly but it really works for me.
I let myself cry out loud, cry on everything weve been through, regret all the things happened, it was all about tears. Until i hit the point that 'omfg im tired of tears"
It was need about a week or more (i forget) for myself to get through this "tears phase". After that, im coming up into the what usually ppl call as "galau" phase. I listening all the ballad songs in my playlist. Still dealing with tears. can you imagine what a great combination among fragile heart, ballad songs, and tears. I really screwed my self up. But i dont know i just enjoy it. Enjoy the pain that killing me. Am i sound creepy? Yes. Bc it is the only way.
The next phase is what i call with "another me " phase. Here, my heart is not fragile as before. I started to hate him. I dunno what s the different between pretending dont care and hating. But from what i remember that he was really annoying in front of me. At the moment i just feel like he s the biggest holy shit crap in the world. Even silly Alan is way much better than him. Even Kurt, is also way much much better than him. Nothings regret bout him. I put all of my hatred on him. Oh no, poor him. Beside, i also changed my hair color. Recolored it once or two a week. Cut my hair about 3 times in a month. And i didnt fcking care with the hell diet things. I ate everything. And also still, sarcas everthng. See? Im a way into crazy. I think i shud go to the Kutcher's beach condo and start to living a new live with him and silly Alan.
I feel the phases... I through them... Now im in the phase that probably in 'being-ok" phase. I dont know but i read somewhere when u can tell ppl ur past while u laugh at it, u r ok. U r fine. And voila! Just catch myself laugh at the crap when i tell it to my friend. No more tears.
And now here i am. In the "stable" phase lol. Bc what? Now i can smile in front of him, not pretending to be strong because im purely strong. Not pretending to be ok because i am okay (in some cases, not). Im trying to see the crap from different point of view. What if a what if b what if c. But i dont wanna lie that sometimes little things can bring him.back to you. Just feel it. U will accept that yah, you were got the chance.
Im not gonna say that u r totally ok bc u will never be totally ok. Note that. Unless u date Kutcher, u will suddenly forget even ur sweet first kiss with ur enemy. Nothings wrong with broken heart. We dont hv to avoid it. Pretending to busy all the time hope that it will carry ur pain away. No, you wudnt. Feel it.. It s just the phase that everyone is going through.
You know, i was like 4times planned and outlined what im going to write here, about this heart things. But it was always stuck in the middle. Until tonight, it was just like suddenly ur heart is saying " u greatly passed this exam honey, " and now i know why. Now i know that i am ok to write all the things down.
You-will-be-fine. In time.
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